The glory is His

"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1
This is the cry of my heart this sunday. 
I have struggled all this week with the desire of being loved, admired, in one word, glorified. I thought of the many ways I can prove to all those who don't like me how wrong they are. I thought of many ways to vindicate myself. I thought of how to be "the star". God's answer was "the glory is mine". Then I wanted to know why He wanted all the glory for Himself. His answer is surprising. He could have said: " because I am God" and I would have nothing to add even if I would have been frustrated.
However because God loves me and wants a relationship with me, He told me "because of my love and faithfulness" I can't argue with that. His faithfulness, His mercy, His grace, and His love are more than amazing. There is no word to describe them. There is no word to describe the Lord's heart. 
In His great love, Jesus added: "There is a glory for you. It is from my father and yours. Just follow me and remember: I do not accept glory from human beings." John 5:41

My ultimate need!

Last Sunday, I wasn't faithful. I didn't write. I was tired physically and emotionally. I let my emotions take control of my life. 

This week was worse. I was down, emtionally. I cried a lot, complained a lot. It was so difficult to pray. My faith was buried under my emotions and my tears. I needed God. 

First, I thought I needed His blessings. I thought that I needed Him to meet my needs; and He did. He offered me things I have never prayed for because I could not think of Him giving me them. As I was praising and crying (praying was too simple), He heard me. I didn't realize that He was listening. He seemed so far. He seemed deaf and blind. 

However He answered. He blessed me with things that I really needed. I am still mesmerized! When He says that He "is able to do  immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within usi", Ephesians 3:20 He is not joking. He is able and He is willing to do what it takes to meet our needs.

So my needs (at least a part of them because they are countless) were met. I should have been happy, dancing in the rain. I wasn't. I needed more. Then I understood. He used His power to work within me. He softly spoke to me. He told me I was unhappy because I was far from Him.

He wasn't the first anymore. I was. People were. There were a lot of barriers between Him and me : my fears, my lack of trust, my desire to be loved and approved by others and so on. He told me I needed Him. He told me that I needed to be entirely His. I needed to have an undivided devotion to Him. I needed to be able to say with Paul : "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

Christ is my life and when I don't live for Him, I am dying away. He is my first need and my ultimate blessing.

Why am I single?

Today I am tired and I am not sure I want to write. I am not sure I want to write but there are thoughts I desire to share.

I planned to write about the Israelites wailing in the desert because they didn't have meat to eat and wishing to be in Egypt. However, this morning a sister in Christ asked me why she is still single. My answer was something like "because God gives us what we need and if we don't need it He won't meet it."

Then, I got an email from a friend of mine. She was sharing about her sentimental life. She wrote about the "why" of her singleness. So I thought of of the "why" of my singleness. God may have others reasons... but for me I am still single because I don't want to let it go.

I am afraid. I am afraid of being taken advantage of, afraid of not being loved unconditionally, afraid of... so many things. I am not surrendered. I don't trust God to care enough to protect me, to guide me. I am the one in charge. Yet, My favourite love story in the Bible is the story of Isaac and Rebekah.

The Bible stated: " Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her." Genesis 24 : 67

God chose her. God decided and Isaac loved her. Their marriage was not perfect but it was not that bad. 

I dream of God choosing for me. I dream of loving His choice. However I am afraid and I am not letting go. I don't give God a chance. I don't give brothers a chance. I want Batman but with Superman's qualities and the faith of Paul. Of course, he must be a perfect stranger. I love them far and unapproachable. 

So now I need to learn to be surrendered in this area. It won't be easy but "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

Single and desperate

Have you ever felt hopeless? Have you ever felt that you have to find a solution right now? Have you ever thought that if you don't do something, if you don't take a step, your life will be over ? Lot's daughters did. They were desperate. They wanted to preserve their family line and there was no man around to lie with them. They needed to act, to find a solution. They decided to sleep with their father. He was the only man around. They acted and they got the children they wanted. Genesis 19: 30-38
Why were they so desperate? Why am I sometimes so desperate? Is it  really because there is no solution to my problem? Or is it because I want my solution, a solution I find normal?  Lot's daughter wanted so much to be like everyone else that they didn't look far. Genesis 19: 31 They could have asked their father to find partners for them. Abraham family wasn't too far away. Only, they didn't. What if he had said no? What if the men from Abraham's family didn't want to be with them? What if...? They took no chances.  They so wanted to be normal. They were willing to pay the price to get it their way.
I feel desperate when I want my life to be " as is the custom all over the earth." I want to have a normal life: a husband, children, the job.... the right one. I spent my week envying one of my co-worker. She has everything I wish I had: the career I thought I should have, children, husband, shape, blue eyes, fair-hair...
I was looking for solutions to be more like her. However, the more I was looking the more things were getting complicated. I was confused and desperate until God told me gently : " A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30
He explained me that my peace was gone because I stopped looking at the Prince of peace. My problem was not my issues, though they are real. My problem was that I wanted peace "as the world gives." John 14:27  I wanted my life to be " as is the custom all over the earth." I blamed my godly choices. I thought I became christian too young. Fortunately, God reminded me that His way is always the best. So even if my life looks strange, even if I am different, may His will be done. Always.

Are you looking back?

Hi,


This week , I want to talk about another married woman who didn't fix her eyes on God. There is no name for her. She is known as Lot's wife. She reminds me of Job's wife. However we know what her end was. We don't have to make a guess. We know. She "became a pillar of salt." Genesis 19 : 26
However there are others guess we can make. Why did she look back? Was she thinking of her friends? Was she thinking about her wealth, her possessions, her...? Or was she only curious? Maybe she only wanted to see what God was doing, to understand why she had to flee. 
Whatever her reasons for looking back, she did it. Yet the angel told them "Don't look back." Genesis 19 : 17. 
Jesus also told us to not look back.  He said: "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God". Luke 9 : 62.  Are you willing to be a servant in God's kingdom, to be an instrument for noble purposes? Don't look back. No regrets. No "my life would have been different if...". No desire to return to your vomit, to question the decision you took to follow Jesus. " Don't look back! Cry when it is difficult, but don't look back. Don't look at what you have lost for Christ's sake. 
Don't imitate me. I spent hours wondering if a decision I took years before, out of love for God, was a good decision. I wanted to know, to understand. The more I wanted to know, the less I trusted God. The less I trusted God, the more I was paralyzed. A friend of mine told me something like: "If you keep on looking back, Satan will win." She was telling me : " Stop looking back or you would become a pillar of salt." Therefore, like Paul, I am going to do one thing : "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 3: 13- 14
There is nothing worth looking at behind. Jesus is ahead!